Renee found herself in a bad relationship and making the choice to abort when met with pregnancy. She has since then found God, forgiveness and healing. She shares her story in hopes to save other women of all ages from making the same decision she made. Also to help those who have believed the lies of Planned Parenthood and have gone through with abortion, to heal and to learn to cope and forgive themselves as well. Please join us in welcoming Renee to our blog and read her story she has shared below.
When I was 19 (1976), I reconnected with a guy who was my childhood sweetheart. I was always in love with the idea of love, and thought that it was meant that we would be together. It seemed perfect, until I found myself pregnant, and when I told him, he said, "You aren't going to have this baby, and I am not marrying you, because if and when I get married, I am marrying a virgin." I was devastated! We argued, and because I was so determined that we would be together I thought if I gave in to him, he would see how much I loved him. I agreed to an abortion, and made the appointment.
When the day came, I arrived at the clinic early in the morning. The receptionist handed me a form to fill out, and a waiver to sign, freeing them from any responsibility for complications that could arise from the "procedure", as they called it. From this point on, I will use the terms they used, but I know now that these terms were used to make me feel like it was all ok. I know abortion is murder, and don't want anyone to believe that I think it's ok to take a life, born or preborn.
Once I submitted the forms, I was taken to a "counseling" room with some of the other women/girls. We were asked to take turns telling why we were there, and why we made the decision to have the procedure done. They never called it an abortion. The closest they got was to use the word - termination. I believe the purpose of this introduction to each other was supposed to make us all feel as if we were making a responsible decision, but I still didn't feel any better about mine.
After introducing ourselves, we were all assured that what we were having removed was just a mass of tissue..."a simple solution to a simple problem." We were shown the tools that would be used to dilate our cervix "gently" until the hose could be inserted to vacuum out the "tissue". I assure you, it was very painful! Nothing gentle about any of it! We were also told that if we yelled, cried out, or made any fuss, the doctor would stop the procedure, leave the room, and not finish the process. I was petrified! I wished I could have run out of the room right there and then! But I was scared, and due to the fact that I still lived at home with strict Catholic Italian parents, I felt I could not tell them my situation. I know now at 56, that that was not the case. I only wish that I would have told my mother.
So, next, it was my turn. I was brought into the room where the procedure was to be done. It was not a cute room with ducks on the wall and bright colors like the pictures all show. It was cold, clinical, and scary! The machine was covered, as well as the hoses, so that we could not see what was coming out. I was under 12 weeks pregnant, so my baby would not have been fully developed. However, at one point the cover came off the hose during the procedure, and I saw blood going through. The vacuum was so strong that it made my body jerk on the table, and the pain was awful! It was one of the most violent things I have ever gone through!
Once the procedure was over, I was taken to a recovery room, where they monitored how much I was bleeding. I was also given medication to help close up the cervix, and some type of antibiotic to prevent infection. I was in the recovery room for maybe 2 hours. Then I was told I could get dressed. I was sent home with my prescriptions for the same meds given in recovery, and an instruction sheet for personal hygiene and pain management. I was told to make an appointment to be seen by my regular gynecologist in 6 weeks.
When I went, I was told that I was fine. But I was not fine. The emptiness, the guilt and shame were all part of the aftermath that no medication could prevent or treat. I bled for six weeks, but had no baby to show for it. My body went into postpartum, yet there was no joy to wake up to and care for. When I got home that day, the father of my baby sat with me in the car, and told me that he would marry me and give me a baby in a year’s time…I was dumb enough to believe him, and found myself pregnant again 6 months later, only to go through the same thing all over again.
I did end up leaving that guy behind, and finding someone who really loves me. I have been married to him for almost 31 years, and have 3 grown children and 3 grandchildren. However, the healing would not come for me, until the day that I committed my life to the Lord. But before that, I met the man who is now my husband. I lost my first pregnancy with him, and wondered if it was punishment for what I had done in the past. (I don’t believe that now.) When my first daughter was born, the reality of what I did at 19 was right in front of me! For years, I cried when I thought about my babies that were ripped from me, when I thought I had no other choice. I couldn't help wondering what they would look like, and remembered every year that they should be having a birthday. If I would not have aborted the first baby, I would not have been pregnant with the second at that time, but there are still two babies that I didn’t allow to have a life on earth.
At the age of 26, I found myself in another mess due to poor choices in my marriage, and that was what led me to the Lord. I had a total change of heart, and thankfully, God restored me, and my marriage. My life has never been the same from that point, and that is why I tell my story. I want to help someone make a better choice if they find themselves in an unexpected pregnancy, and I want others to know that there is forgiveness, healing, and restoration for them if they have fallen for the lie that abortion an answer to an unexpected pregnancy. It was a process to healing, and it took time for me to forgive myself. But, I know that some day, when I get to heaven, I will meet those babies, whose lives I chose to end prematurely. It is through a relationship with Christ Jesus that I live today, and what gives me the passion to help others who find themselves in the situation I found myself at 19. There is another choice besides abortion. The slogan for the Susan G. Komen foundation is, “Everyone deserves a lifetime”, and it’s just as true for preborn children as it is for someone who is searching for a cure for cancer. My goal now is to help women of all ages come to that realization before they make the decision to take the life of their preborn child, and to help as many as possible who have fallen for the lie find that healing. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story.