Post Abortion Forgiveness and Healing

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MEET...Renee Schultz

Renee found herself in a bad relationship and making the choice to abort when met with pregnancy.  She has since then found God, forgiveness and healing. She shares her story in hopes to save other women of all ages from making the same decision she made. Also to help those who have believed the lies of Planned Parenthood and have gone through with abortion, to heal and to learn to cope and forgive themselves as well. Please join us in welcoming Renee to our blog and read her story she has shared below.   

My Story

When I was 19 (1976), I reconnected with a guy who was my childhood sweetheart. I was always in love with the idea of love, and thought that it was meant that we would be together. It seemed perfect, until I found myself pregnant, and when I told him, he said, "You aren't going to have this baby, and I am not marrying you, because if and when I get married, I am marrying a virgin." I was devastated! We argued, and because I was so determined that we would be together I thought if I gave in to him, he would see how much I loved him. I agreed to an abortion, and made the appointment.

When the day came, I arrived at the clinic early in the morning. The receptionist handed me a form to fill out, and a waiver to sign, freeing them from any responsibility for complications that could arise from the "procedure", as they called it. From this point on, I will use the terms they used, but I know now that these terms were used to make me feel like it was all ok. I know abortion is murder, and don't want anyone to believe that I think it's ok to take a life, born or preborn.

Once I submitted the forms, I was taken to a "counseling" room with some of the other women/girls. We were asked to take turns telling why we were there, and why we made the decision to have the procedure done. They never called it an abortion. The closest they got was to use the word - termination. I believe the purpose of this introduction to each other was supposed to make us all feel as if we were making a responsible decision, but I still didn't feel any better about mine.

After introducing ourselves, we were all assured that what we were having removed was just a mass of tissue..."a simple solution to a simple problem." We were shown the tools that would be used to dilate our cervix "gently" until the hose could be inserted to vacuum out the "tissue". I assure you, it was very painful! Nothing gentle about any of it! We were also told that if we yelled, cried out, or made any fuss, the doctor would stop the procedure, leave the room, and not finish the process. I was petrified! I wished I could have run out of the room right there and then! But I was scared, and due to the fact that I still lived at home with strict Catholic Italian parents, I felt I could not tell them my situation. I know now at 56, that that was not the case. I only wish that I would have told my mother.

So, next, it was my turn. I was brought into the room where the procedure was to be done. It was not a cute room with ducks on the wall and bright colors like the pictures all show. It was cold, clinical, and scary! The machine was covered, as well as the hoses, so that we could not see what was coming out. I was under 12 weeks pregnant, so my baby would not have been fully developed. However, at one point the cover came off the hose during the procedure, and I saw blood going through. The vacuum was so strong that it made my body jerk on the table, and the pain was awful! It was one of the most violent things I have ever gone through!

Once the procedure was over, I was taken to a recovery room, where they monitored how much I was bleeding. I was also given medication to help close up the cervix, and some type of antibiotic to prevent infection. I was in the recovery room for maybe 2 hours. Then I was told I could get dressed. I was sent home with my prescriptions for the same meds given in recovery, and an instruction sheet for personal hygiene and pain management. I was told to make an appointment to be seen by my regular gynecologist in 6 weeks.

When I went, I was told that I was fine. But I was not fine. The emptiness, the guilt and shame were all part of the aftermath that no medication could prevent or treat. I bled for six weeks, but had no baby to show for it. My body went into postpartum, yet there was no joy to wake up to and care for. When I got home that day, the father of my baby sat with me in the car, and told me that he would marry me and give me a baby in a year’s time…I was dumb enough to believe him, and found myself pregnant again 6 months later, only to go through the same thing all over again.

I did end up leaving that guy behind, and finding someone who really loves me. I have been married to him for almost 31 years, and have 3 grown children and 3 grandchildren. However, the healing would not come for me, until the day that I committed my life to the Lord. But before that, I met the man who is now my husband. I lost my first pregnancy with him, and wondered if it was punishment for what I had done in the past. (I don’t believe that now.) When my first daughter was born, the reality of what I did at 19 was right in front of me! For years, I cried when I thought about my babies that were ripped from me, when I thought I had no other choice. I couldn't help wondering what they would look like, and remembered every year that they should be having a birthday. If I would not have aborted the first baby, I would not have been pregnant with the second at that time, but there are still two babies that I didn’t allow to have a life on earth.

At the age of 26, I found myself in another mess due to poor choices in my marriage, and that was what led me to the Lord. I had a total change of heart, and thankfully, God restored me, and my marriage. My life has never been the same from that point, and that is why I tell my story. I want to help someone make a better choice if they find themselves in an unexpected pregnancy, and I want others to know that there is forgiveness, healing, and restoration for them if they have fallen for the lie that abortion an answer to an unexpected pregnancy. It was a process to healing, and it took time for me to forgive myself. But, I know that some day, when I get to heaven, I will meet those babies, whose lives I chose to end prematurely. It is through a relationship with Christ Jesus that I live today, and what gives me the passion to help others who find themselves in the situation I found myself at 19. There is another choice besides abortion. The slogan for the Susan G. Komen foundation is, “Everyone deserves a lifetime”, and it’s just as true for preborn children as it is for someone who is searching for a cure for cancer. My goal now is to help women of all ages come to that realization before they make the decision to take the life of their preborn child, and to help as many as possible who have fallen for the lie find that healing. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story.

We welcome and encourage your comments.  

Thank you, 

Speaking Out for Silent Voices

Speaking Up For Post Abortive Siblings

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Meet Renee/Susi O Fanabba

Susi O Fanabba is an acronym for: 

SUrviving SIbling OF AN Aborted BAby

Renee has suffered the loss of a sibling through abortion years ago and is still affected from the pain.  She is learning to cope however, and to help others during the process.  Please join us as we welcome her to our blog and read her story below. Also, she has her own blog that you are more than welcome to go visit. Just click on the link below for her site.

http://survivingsibling.wordpress.com/2012/11/05/susi-o-fanabba-vs-renee/

Hi, my name is Renee. While I've never had an abortion, I was deeply affected by the loss of my brother as the result of one. Since finding out 7 years ago, I have gone through unimaginable pain. Yet, I have also been blessed in ways I never could've imagined. I am sharing my story in the hope that it will inspire others who are going through similar situations, as well as help those around them who may not understand what is going on. 
My own journey started one night when mom said she wanted to talk to us. We had no idea what was coming. She began recalling a very dark time in our lives in which she became unexpectedly pregnant. I got a little more nervous hearing that. How did I not notice at that time? It must mean she had miscarried or something. Where was that baby now? Abortion never crossed my mind, as we'd been raised knowing it took a life, etc. Hearing her say that she had in fact had one, was incredibly shocking. But we could all see how sad she was, so went up and hugged her assuring her we loved her no less. In her great strength she answered our questions, telling us among other things, the date it happened, and the name she had chosen for him, Joey :) Having that information has made it so much easier to deal with in some ways. 
The next day I found myself in emotional pain. I couldn't figure out the cause at first, but then I remembered the conversation the night before. 
I spent the next 6 years doing my best to avoid thinking about him, how he died, etc. Easier said than done. Among other things, it became hard for me to acknowledge the youngest in our family as such, because Joey was now the youngest. While in one sense I wanted to forget him, I was very upset that he wasn't being constantly acknowledged. I also began thinking more about the fact that I was unplanned. Why was I saved and not him? Despite these issues, I never really resented mom. In fact, as with Joey, I became very defensive of her and while I was technically against abortion, I was also turned off to the pro life movement, believing it was basically filled with post abortive condemning graphic image wielders. 
During those years there were also times of peace, do not get me wrong. But last year I decided I wanted it to be a more consistent thing and started looking around online to see what resources were available for us, post abortive siblings. I assumed there would be quite a selection. Nope. There was very little mention of our pain at all (from what I could find). I read about Rachel's Vineyard, but did not feel it would be a good fit for me. I wasn't ready to discuss my story in front of other post abortive parents and risk adding to their pain. Rather, I was really hoping to connect with other siblings like me. As there were not many options, I ended up writing a reflection on my experiences/feelings after the abortion (you can read it here: http://survivingsibling.wordpress.com/2012/10/09/reflecting-on-my-brothers-loss/) and sending that out to various groups. One went to Theresa Bonopartis with Lumina in New York. I asked her if she would read it at the upcoming retreat day for siblings (one of the only resources I found). She was so affected by what she read that she arranged for a few sponsors to get me out there!!! How awesome!! This was just about two weeks before the retreat and completely unexpected! I was excited and nervous at the same time! 
The retreat was an amazing experience! It was my first time being with other people who could relate and I got to share my story, completely uninterrupted and without being judged! So freeing!! A beautiful release :) (I would love for all siblings to be able to experience that) Though we were only together for a few hours, I feel a strong bond with them and have been blessed to remain in contact. Since then, I've been even more determined to share my story and encouraging others to do the same. That has put me working in the very movement I once avoided. And while I have encountered some difficulty, the majority have shown great love, support and encouragement, etc. 
Right now, my main source of outreach is on the internet, through my blog: www.survivingsibling.wordpress.com, my facebook pages: Abortion Hurts Siblings And Others and I Lost A Sibling To Abortion (a 'secret' group for other siblings), as well as other accounts on twitter, etc. 
This has been one heck of a journey so far, but overall, I am filled with gratitude. Having gone through this has made me much more aware of the pain of others and taught me to watch what I say, And I have also made many wonderful connections. 
While I have received much healing already, I still long for the day that there are many more resources immediately available for siblings. Retreats, support groups, etc. 
I hope that my story has been able to inspire you in some ways! Peace.


We welcome and encourage your comments.  
Thank you, 
Speaking Out for Silent Voices

It's Real

You know, you can speak against abortion encouraging pro-life decisions to be made and speak up for post-abortion healing, but until you have been to an abortion clinic to try to encourage young girls and ladies going in, to change their minds it feels like just that, "talk".

I'm not saying that the prayers from a distance and pleading with real friends over the phone, in person, at school or at their house is not enough.  If you lose the battle with them and they choose to go through with the abortion, you see them go from with child to without child.  It is definitely real, but there is something about going to the clinic that makes it that much more real, for me.

I have done all of the above. I even decided to start a Pro-life Facebook page, started this blog, I've done a Pro-life march trying to encourage others to choose life,  but this Saturday is actually my first time going to an abortion clinic.  We, my oldest daughter and I, made our signs and took them to the clinic.  There were others there praying, had signs held up and signs that stood up.  They also had pamphlets they hand out to provide Pro-life information.  Also information on another place that will offer free pregnancy tests that encourages life instead of this type of clinic, that is known specifically for encouraging and performing abortions.

As we were there, we also saw cute little newborn clothing and newborn packages that they hand out to the young girls and ladies that change their minds and choose life.  We were there this past Saturday for about an hour and a half to two hours.  We saw one girl that got dropped off by two of her friends. This experienced pro-lifer tried to speak with the two friends to see if they would go back in there to change their friend's mind.  They said there was nothing they could do.

We witnessed this and I thought to myself, not only is this girl's baby going to die, she will suffer from having her child murdered, if not immediately, at some point once the realization smacks her in the face.  I felt for the baby. I also felt for her, knowing that she will be in pain, a pain that she might not be able to recover from. She definitely would greatly benefit from post-abortion healing for her mind and her heart. I also felt bad for her two friends,  they were in a position as accomplices, not as supporters as they thought they were.  It will hit them too when they realize what they have done.  Abortion does not just affect the person having it done. It affects several people around them, even those of us that don't even personally know the person.

There was another girl that we witnessed coming out.  It was obvious that she had just gotten her procedure (abortion) done. She had a guy driving her out from the clinic.  It was sad.  They weren't talking. She was staring off.....lost.  She honestly looked like someone who just lost a child and wished she could take it back. I spoke to one of the gentlemen in the group and I told him what she looked like to me and I told him unfortunately she can't take it back. What's done is done.  This is REAL.

As sad as this is to me, seeing the two girls that made the choice to abort, I will go back.  I feel that if I can change one person's heart and mind and save at least one life, I have made a difference.  I will always try my best to help someone who is struggling with the the life or death decision during their pregnancy, to help them to see that there is a better option than abortion, always.

I fully agree with the quote that Mahatma Gandhi said...

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Girl Scouts/ Planned Parenthood

Here I am a proud pro-life activist and yet I sit here with inner strife and conflict, feeling like I'm speaking out of both sides of my mouth.

I used to be in Girl Scouts, a Brownie, I remember all the fun times I had. The fun activities we participated in, the songs we learned, the confidence we gained and the bond we girls shared with each other, along with our leader. It was just a fun time in my life and I remember looking forward to each meeting and the significance of being sworn in doing the Girl Scout promise, raising our three fingers on our right hands and having that special ceremony.

Girl Scouts is the largest sorority.  In my family it was passed on from generation to generation.  Each one waiting to become age appropriate to be part of that sorority. A rite of passage, if you will. My aunt, my Mom couldn't because it wasn't in the area they moved to, but she, I'm sure, longed to. I was excited for my child to join. By that time they had started Daisies and she got to experience being a Daisy and loved it.

Eleven years younger, my middle daughter is now in Daisies.  However, this is where I'm having the inner strife and conflict.   Before I signed her up I was hearing rumors circulating around about their connection to Planned Parenthood, the largest abortion mill and the largest advocate for promoting casual and premature sex to contribute to their business of performing the abortions. They had the sign up at my Catholic church so I thought maybe it was just rumors.

I asked one of the directors of the Girl Scouts and she informed me that it was taken out of context and twisted around.  The Girl Scouts were not passing out Planned Parenthood pamphlets out for the girls and that in fact, the girls had met in a room that PP had used the night before and it had not been cleaned and there were still pamphlets left out and a couple of GS got their hands on them. I asked her if she could provide proof through an email to me, which she was expecting at the time and ended up having the baby early and I didn't receive the email.  I took her word on it and signed my child up.

We have had lots of fun, but the more active I become in being a pro-life activist and the more information I'm finding linked between GS and PP, it sickens me.  We sold cookies so that she would be able to get the patch and I literally felt sick to my stomach.  I felt like I was turning in blood money.  I was having mixed feelings as to what to do, whether to keep her in and hope for the best, but I now know that this year is definitely her last.  If GS decides to go in a different direction and no longer support PP then I'll be more than happy to sign her back up, along with my youngest when she is of age.  It really is a heart breaker and an eye opener to have that news served to me about Girl Scouts.

Here are a couple of links that you can check out in regards to why I have chosen to make my decision.  We have to take a stand for what we believe in and better yet, Speak out for the one's who can't.  "Speak Out for the Silent Voices"
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/catholic-parish-bans-girl-scout-troops-over-ties-to-planned-parenthood/

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/indiana-senator-refuses-to-honor-girl-scouts-because-of-planned-parenthood

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/planned-parenthoods-gps-condoms-ask-college-students-to-logon-and-tell-us-w


Here is another one regarding an ex-Girl Scout that decided to bake cookies and sell them..."Cookies for Life."....Good for her!!!
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/cookies-for-life-10-year-old-ex-girl-scout-bakes-and-sells-pro-life-cookies

There are many others regarding the Girl Scouts Links to Planned Parenthood as well.


Also, Please check out my Facebook page for current pro-life, anti-abortion news and information. If you have a Facebook account you can click on the link below and click "Like" to be apart of my page and stay in the "know." If you don't have an account sign up for one...it's worth it. :)
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Speaking-out-for-Silent-Voices/106803906110671?sk=wall

Being a Pro-life Activist

This blog has been a long time coming.  I guess you could say I've been a pro-lifer since I've known how babies were made. ;)  I have had several friends starting from high school throughout, that became pregnant and struggled with the decision to have the baby or not.  I always found myself in the position pleading with them to "keep the baby, put it up for adoption."  I had, every time, lost the battle. Each of them decided to have an abortion.

I connected every one of their babies. Feeling extremely sad for each and every baby aborted. I also felt sad for the Mom and the regret that I'm sure she would feel, if not immediately, I'm sure at some point, when she realizes exactly what she did.  I pray for the babies soul and the Mom's healing mentally and Spiritually.

At one point I begged an extremely close friend of mine's parents to not let their daughter have an abortion. I lost that battle, not that it is a fight between me and the Mom or the Parents. It is a fight for the unborn, to "Speak Out for the Silent Ones."  I am still friends with her and have been for 31 years and love her parents dearly.  She regrets her choice and says she thinks about it daily and struggles with having horrible nightmares.  It hurts me for her.  I pray for her and her Parents and the soul of her baby.

The latest abortion that I pleaded for the babies life has gotten to me really bad.  It has made my decision to not only be a pro-lifer, but an active pro-lifer.  This one is one of a good friend of mine who was almost 20 weeks along.  I had just gone to a birthday party for her other 4 kiddos, all of them girls and this one was to be a girl as well. I was so excited, as was she.  I asked her if I could feel her belly.  I felt her pregnant belly and bonded with that baby as I have with all of God's children.  We sat and talked about what she was going to name her,  if she was feeling her move and all the fun stuff that comes with pregnancy. It was such a fun time.

A couple of weeks later she got an amnio done, a test done to determine if there are any abnormalities with the baby and can even determine the sex of the baby.  This test, however, was done upon her request, her second one (That I know of, the other was done with her previous baby).  She had a family member that had a baby that had down syndrome and she wanted to make sure her baby was going to be "normal."

I talked with her the whole time as she waited for the test results to come back.  The results taking longer than expected...the worries were getting higher and higher for her.  I tried calming her.  I reminded her of our own experience that we went through with our last baby. We took the triple screen blood test that pregnant women of a certain age take, suggested by the doctor, that check for spina bifida, down syndrome and another disorder.  Ours came back with an exceptionally high probability for down syndrome.

My husband and I were together when we got "the call" from our nurse. I remember it like it was yesterday.  Speaking to the nurse through tears and trying to sound positive on the phone with her that I told her no matter what we love this baby and this baby is God's gift to us and our family.  She said she understood and that she would be praying for us.  There are a lot of false positives, but this test came back a real high probability.  She set up our appointment to go get our high-def ultrasound done and she even gave me her cell phone number to let her know what we found out after the appointment.  She was so sweet.

We had prayed and did a lot of research trying to get a head start on something that would be brand new for us. We went to get the ultrasound where we, up until that point, thought we were having a boy.  We were pleasantly surprised to find out we were having our third girl.  Everything looked "normal" on the ultrasound.  We were relieved, until the Doctor then told us that 60% of Downs babies show up "normal" on an ultrasound.  He then suggested we have an amnio done.  I immediately said "no." There can be risks with amnios and if I didn't have to have one, I wasn't going to.  We were keeping our sweet baby regardless, so why even worry about getting the amnio, just to know faster?!?!?  The Doctor told us that 90% of people with a downs baby abort.  My Hubby did NOT appreciate him saying that.  It was as if he was suggesting we do the same.  He told the doctor we WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE ABORT OUR BABY AND TO NEVER SUGGEST IT AGAIN.

We went through the remainder of the pregnancy not knowing, but prepared ourselves through prayer, research and talking to parents of downs children.  We had prayers all around us. We did not worry, we kept Faith.  We loved her and that pregnancy was the best one out of all three of mine.   Finally the "day" came when we got to meet our little girl, our gift from God.  She was born and I asked the assisting Physician "Does she have down syndrome?" He looked at me like I was crazy and asked "Why? were you worried about that or something?" I told him the situation and he told me "No, she is healthy and doesn't have downs."

She is now over 2 years old and I look at her and am reminded of that time in our lives.  We are very blessed. I thank God for her and I also thank God for opening our eyes to Downs and giving both my Hubby and I a great appreciation for Downs babies, children, adults and their parents.  If it wasn't for that situation we wouldn't have given it much thought.  Now I want to hug every Downs baby and child I see.  I love them all.

Getting back to my friend, her test results finally came back and they said that her baby girl had Downs.  She had told me when I was going through all that that with mine, she didn't think she would be able to have one, the look alone.  She was pregnant with her fourth child when she told me this and I prayed that her baby did not have Downs. I was scared of what reaction she would have and action she would take.  Her fifth baby girl's test results came back positive for Downs.  She said she didn't know what she was going to do.  I told her from that moment, "If you aren't going to keep the baby, please give the sweet baby a chance at life and give her up for adoption."  I talked to her the whole time since she found out to news ,the drive to the clinic, before and after she got dilated,after the baby was aborted, and as they drove home to their four other children.

I had called different friends trying to seek help requesting adoption,  posted prayers in the prayer group.  I had three people wanting to adopt her child. I told her. I had also told her about a friend of mine that worked in a lab and said some of the amnio results end up being wrong, because maybe it was left out too long or even results sent to the wrong person, but none of it mattered.  She said she was scared that no one would adopt her.  I will never understand abortion, especially when there is another option.

ADOPTION IS THE OPTION